Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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