i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize