Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Randomize
