perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
