went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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