Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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