Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
