She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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