I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
