Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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