woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
