He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
