so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
