true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
