You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
