You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
