Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
