They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
