we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
