If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
