I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize