Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
