if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize