:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
