Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
