Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
