new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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