i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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