you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
