yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
