You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
