I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you had me at cake vodka
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
