He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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