please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
