Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
