Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
