my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
