Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
