are you still at the devil's house?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
