I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
