im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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