I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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