I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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