ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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