i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
