Who did Billy Mays play for?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
