You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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