So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
