birth control should be required to get into college
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
