My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
