Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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