please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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