it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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