gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
