i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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