were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize