he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am naked and annoyed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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