Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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