I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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