And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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