pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
