I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
