I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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