respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
