Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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