Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
