Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
