I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
