I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
3 2 1 whiskey
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
