you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
